The Day Dojima Decided Souji Needed a Car
by Joanie Dark
Summary: It's terribly embarrassing to ask your uncle for a ride to the hospital at one in the morning when you and your 'partner' were...a little too rough...


"Ah…ahn…oh god, Souji…I…_HOLY SHIT_."

What had started off as the absolutely most amazing, mind-blowing sex the two could have ever imagined, though in all honesty was just about as typically awkward, unpolished sex as one would imagine two virgins to have for the first time, was abruptly and violently ended by Yosuke's shriek. Eyes huge, Souji pulled out of the redhead as fast as he could.

"Are you ok? The…the book said that it only would hurt at first…" He stared in mild horror at the other young man, unsure which was worse—the fact that he had obviously hurt his partner, or the fact that his planning had been incorrect. Damn you, _Gay Sex for Dummies_. Damn you to hell.

"Oh dear god…I think you ripped my stomach open…"

"Stop being overdramatic, Yosuke…"

"Fine. My intestines then. Shit…" Yosuke curled up in the fetal position on the futon, clinging desperately to a pillow and attempting poorly to keep his somewhat girlish sobs as quiet as possible. As Souji was about to tell him that was ridiculous, he noticed the little trail of blood that was starting to flow down Yosuke's thigh.

"Oh my…ahem." Souji took a deep breath to regain his composure. He had led his team into countless battles with terrifying shadows; it was his duty to be as calm and collected as he would be when facing a creature three times his size with little more than a golf club. It was just a little blood, after all… "Are you going to be alright, Yosuke? You're…bleeding. A little."

"What? Oh god, what the hell, what the hell…" Yosuke started hyperventilating, clinging ever tighter to the pillow.

"I'm sure it's all going to be ok…it's just a little blood…"

"I'm going to die," Yosuke sobbed. "I'm going to die bleeding out my ass with my pants down in another guy's bed. Fuck my life. Death. Whatever."

"You're not going to die…"

"Says the one who rode me so hard you ripped my ass open!"

"You told me you wanted it harder!"

"Not enough for me to start gushing gallons of blood!"

"You're not gushing gallons of…" Souji stopped, noticing that the bleeding was, indeed, starting to get heavier.

"You stopped midsentence. You're obviously lying, _leader_. My tombstone is going to read 'Here lies Hanamura Yosuke; he was buggered to death…' D-dammit…" He started to cry again.

"I'm…I'm going to go ask Dojima if we can get a ride to the emergency room…" Souji said slowly, putting his pajamas back on as quickly as he could, as Yosuke just sobbed louder. Rushing out of the room, he started rapping on his guardian's door.

"Ryo-nii…um…"

"Whatever it is, it can wait until morning," the grumble came from the bedroom.

"No, it can't! Um…Yosuke, it's him. There was an…accident."

"Hm? If he broke the television or something, he's paying for it."

"No, it's not like that. He's…pretty badly hurt from…the accident." There were shuffling sounds and the door opened.

"What happened?" a very angry-looking Dojima asked.

"Nothing important, but he's bleeding, and it's progressively getting worse. He's convinced he's dyin—where are you going?" Souji was cut short by Dojima pushing past him to walk towards Souji's room.

"He's not dying, I'm sure of it. City kids, so melodramatic…" he grumbled. "I'm going to go check it out myself."

"Uncle Dojima, I'd really not—"

Dojima opened the door to the bedroom, blinked a few times, and then slowly closed the door.

"I'll just go get dressed and start up the car."

Souji rushed back into the bedroom as Dojima passed him, sighing with disappointment when he saw Yosuke still curled up and crying with his briefs around his ankles. With a bit of effort, he managed to get both himself and the blame- and self-pity-spewing redhead somewhat decently dressed, then hauled him out of the room fireman-style just as Dojima was emerging from his bedroom with his car keys.

It was right as they were about to leave that Nanako popped her head out of her room.

"Is everything ok?" she asked, obviously worried.

"We're just going to…"

"My ass…" Yosuke moaned pitifully.

"…cream. Ice cream. We're going to go get ice cream." Dojima lied in the most terrible manner possible.

"Oh! Can I go to?" Her expression was of pure glee.

"Adult ice cream."

"You're just trying to go to Junes without me…" she muttered, disappointed.

"You…you know what? I don't want you in the house alone this late at night," Dojima sighed. "Come on. But we have an errand to run first." The invitation made the little girl squeal in delight, while Souji just stared at Dojima.

"Ice cream? Is Junes even open at this hour?"

"What was I supposed to tell her? I wasn't about to say…well. The truth isn't that necessary for a girl her age to know."

"Fair enough," Souji mumbled, and as the now fully dressed, excitable girl came dancing out of her room, the four loaded into the car.

The drive was fairly quiet on the ride to the hospital, with just Yosuke's occasional moans of pain and Nanako absently singing the Junes song while looking out the passenger window interrupting the sound of the road. Even when they pulled into the emergency room parking lot, after a quick explanation that Yosuke apparently had a fever and they wanted to take him to the doctor that night so he wouldn't miss school, there was relative silence between the four of them. It wasn't until Dojima sent a Nanako off with some money to go buy some ice cream from the vending machine at the opposite side of the waiting room that he addressed the boys again.

"So…how long have you two been…" he mumbled.

"It really wasn't what it looked like, Uncle…"

"Yes it was, don't lie."

"…A couple of months, then. Since about when we started hanging out with Yukiko, I believe."

"Wouldn't you have enough experience by now to not have these sorts of problems?" he said, gesturing to the puddle of excruciating goo that was Yosuke still mumbling about his embarrassing epitaph at Souji's side. Despite the bluntness of the statement, Dojima was visibly red.

"Well…this was our first time with that sort of thing…"

"Triage, oh triage, can't you see I'm dying," Yosuke interrupted the awkwardness with a cry that fell on the deaf ears of the nurses. Souji and Dojima both rolled their eyes at him, and Nanako returned with an armful of ice cream treats.

"You aren't dying, you're just too hot!" she said, sitting on Yosuke's other side and pushing a chocolate popsicle into his hands.

"That _is_ what got me into this trouble, isn't it," Yosuke lamented.

"Don't flatter yourself…" Souji muttered, and Dojima let out a chuckle.

"You already sound like a married couple."

"Really, Uncle Dojima, that's not necessary."

"Don't worry about this; I'm sure he'll be fine. You'll get better with practice."

"That's _really_ not necessary for you to tell me, sir."

"You know…if you ever want advice on these sorts of things, your uncle has been around some time. I could always help if you two have concerns…"

"I really do not need to hear this right now," Souji said, staring at Dojima with slight disgust. The detective quickly turned away, and Souji sighed and squeezed Yosuke's hand, which he hadn't let go of since he had put the other boy in the backseat of the car with him.

They were sitting in uncomfortable silence for about another hour before Yosuke was allowed to leave the tiny red blood puddle slowly forming on his chair and go in to see the doctor. In the end it had turned out to be a small anal fissure and he was sent home with nothing but instructions to have a warm bath and a prescription for stool softeners. Souji also received a strict and embarrassing lecture on the benefits of proper lubrication that turned him off so much from sex he didn't mind the warnings that they weren't supposed to engage in such "activity" until Yosuke was fully healed.

Back in the car, Dojima drove home, grumbling about how "he _was_ sending that bill to the Hanamuras, dammit," while Souji petted Yosuke's head. The aspirin he had been given at the hospital had taken effect, and the now somewhat less pained redhead was starting to follow Nanako's example of falling asleep of exhaustion, leaning peacefully on his partner's shoulder. In all honesty, were Souji's head not reeling with the mild guilt and utter embarrassment of it all, the fact it was approximately two o'clock in the morning most likely would have had him drifting off as well.

"Seta," Dojima said gruffly, all of a sudden.

"Yes, sir?"

"I'm blaming you if there are bloodstains in my car."


End file.
